Under attack for being evil, part of the deep state, and selling personal data to all comers, Google said it wants to offset criticism by giving everyone a chance to lighten up, while also allowing users to affirm their love or hatred of President Trump.
“Our analysts noticed that the simple appearance of “Trump” in a headline drove traffic, seemingly from both sides of the political divide. According to one Google insider who wished to remain anonymous, “What better way to delight users than to allow them to replace all appearances of ‘Trump’ with whatever term the user wants?”
Google spokesman Yashir Eustace Smith noted, “He’s incredibly polarizing. Why not put all that love and animosity to work with a smile? Everyone wins. Our ad targeting will be off the charts!”
The beta release will offer users a handful of replacements, including President Stump, Doofus in Chief, Colt 45, Greatest POTUS of All Time, Best President Ever, Generalissimo Donald, President Dumb Ass, and President Dump. “The plan is to see which names trend best and add more to encourage use of this remarkable digital release, grow our user base, and then sort and sell ads based on user replacement choice.”
The initial launch of ‘Replace Trump,” the Beta release name, will be an extension available for Chrome, Safari, and Internet Explorer, although no one knows if anyone still uses Internet Explorer. Once installed, users will see headlines and stories where all references to Trump are replaced with their preferred name for the current president.
Asked if this will be extended to other politicians or celebrities, Google spokeswoman Insidera Brown noted, “We will be looking into the adoption rate for this release. The possibilities are staggering. Hating and loving people has always been a huge draw throughout history.”
Industry insiders and experts agree it’s a no brainer. Some are insisting on adding President No Brainer, but Google strategists believe it could be seen as a double entendre — making it hard to employ appropriate ad targeting. Plus, double entendres are thought to be French, earning proposed moniker a big thumbs down. “Everyone agrees, French is bad,” said one unnamed Google developer.
“We’re really excited about the possibilities of allowing users to only see and read terms for Trump that relate to their beliefs, however idiotic or accurate.”
@2019 John Hofmeister. All rights reserved. This means you, buddy.
When I'm not writing for clients, I write about things that interest me. Quite of bit of satire, a genre that has become increasingly difficult to work in since reality has become such a farce.